Do we really know what we want?

If so, then why do we fight it when we get it.  I want a man that’s strong and ambitious.  A provider and a good friend is what I keep telling myself that I want.  So what’s the problem?  This strong, ambitious and hard working man is in love with me.  Showers me with all my heart desires.  But this man insists that I don’t work and that I stick close to home. “Babe why don’t your friends come over here to hang out?” is what he asks often.  When we met I worked at as a massage tech at an upscale spa.  He saw money to be made and opened up a spa of his own for me to run.  Well damn, I should be happy right?  This man just gave me a business of my own so I don’t have to report to no one.  Yet still a voice tells me that this man is just trying to keep you close to home.  I once said I needed to be tamed but this seems to be more of a control issue.  I need to have a taste of freedom.  I need to be able to be me.  I have no problem with working for someone.  And its business first always.  He just opened a new club so I cant tell you the last time I seen him naked.  But I change in front him to see if he still notices.  And he does and he starts to touch, then caress, then kiss then he realizes what time it is and its “babe I got to finish some things can we continue this later?”  Do I look like a video game that you can just press pause on and come back to?  This dude is trippin!!  Listen to me with this shit.  I’m going against the grain, fighting what I once claimed to want in a mate.  And when I get mad and fill that I have had enough of everything.  I look at him and all that he does and he is doing and truly see that he does it because he loves me.  There simply is no abuse there verbal or physical.  And no matter how much I bitch about it his rules.  He is a stong man and I love him.

1 thought on “Do we really know what we want?”

  1. I understand where you are coming from. Most people on the outside looking in would see the fact that he opened the spa and think that he is the perfect man. I also know what it is like to have other people thinking that everything is all good but not knowing or understanding how you really feel. As women we want the full package,that is important to us, and perhaps we sometimes settle. But I don’t think it is because we don’t know what we want, I think it is because deep down we know we will not find one man that has everything, so we must pick and choose what the best qualities are and look for those. He loves you and that is an important thing, but I think the real question is… Is that love enough? Is it enough to make you happy? to keep you happy? to satisfy you? and most of all, to keep you around?

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