instead of trying to kill yourself? Why not just say how much you hate this nigga that has you trapped, there’s no shame in saying that you were too ignorant to know that taking things from this man would lead you into feeling like a caged animal with no alternatives to captivity.
You were young and nobody ever told you shit about how men work, that you get nothing and I do mean NOTHING for free.
do you think that getting stupid off the alcohol is really going to help? you can’t possibly think that looking like an asshole to a bunch of strangers and friends will make things better. Look at the mess you made, and you had to clean it. dont matter how much you drink, when you come to you still exactly where you started and the taste of random dicks is hard to brush away… not to mention now you’re an alcoholic which just makes it worse. And, (finally on this part) telling yourself that you’ll never do it again, has no truth to it especially when you’re unwilling to admit in the first place that you have a problem.
Oh my secretive one, do you really think that you’re hiding something from me? I know it like you know you can’t burn the bridge you are standing on but you want to cross it so so badly. You can feel the new soil under your feet, the air is different, the feeling of the moisture on your skin is different. Its cool, its refreshing and comfortable, but you can’t take that walk, because it would mean going back to where you fear the most. Poverty, barely makin it. But, my dear, you are barely making it as it is. Yes, you are taken care of, but you ain’t coming close to getting what you need.
Your gay blanket, the one you hold on to so closely, because you like to know that someone is just as, or is close to as being as miserable as you are, is not making things any better. You only hold on because you know this person’s blind allegiance will never allow them to dig any deeper than you want them to, and you can have a pet without having to feed it.
Why are you so afraid? What has you so afraid? What has you so scared that you can’t bear to speak upon it? Did you promise yourself to someone? Are you sucking dick? taking it up the ass? Are you hoein yourself out? Do you fear that you’ve been sullied to the point that you won’t ever be able to get clean?
You dont know enough yet to know that you always have a choice, you may not shine, but you don’t have to stink or rust. Peace of mind is something that’s hard to come by, but its worth fighting for.
Watching you hurt yourself as a cry for help is not a pretty thing, and its made even uglier because you think this is the way things have to be, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Stop fucking around and kick that asshole to the curb, you are the one with the power in the situation, but you going out like a punk. And nobody loves a punk, that that would be the reason why you think the only that cares about you, happens to be one…
Think about it.