Its really easy. First of all ask him to tell the truth. He will be reluctant at first, naturally because he’s aware that its a slippery slope. Why is it slippery? Because niggas seem to believe that they are the only person that ever lived. As if your life didn’t begin until begin until they came along. Silly rabbits.
The next step is to get him to agree. It will take some coercion, you have to reassure him that its what you really want and its the best way to do things, that you will be honest with him and it will bring you closer towards your goal of a happy relationship that is free of all the lies that niggas tell for no reason. The lies that have cause the disintegration of so many of your other relationships, the lies that make you so angry, the unnecessary lies that are just so ridiculous, uh huh…..
Then the real deal come when he finally feels comfortable to tell the truth. The truth starts coming out like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. You smile.
Now to seal the deal. You take all the things that he tells you, even the good stuff, and talk shit about it. Thats right, use the opportunity that you have to open lines of communication and reinforce trust beyond the norm, and throw it away by being petty, vindictive and passive aggressive. Make sure that you bring up everything in fine detail, and throw it up in his face at every chance. Talk about the girl who broke his heart, talk about the girl he was having sex with 6 months before you came along, talk about his female friends and his secret desire to become a painter of cute lil puppies. Hammer him on the mistakes he’s made in other relationships. Make him feel low because he actually likes pussy. Dont forget to play high and mighty like you’ve never been caught sucking dick on a tuesday night in the church bathroom.
Whats most important is to use this to expose yourself as the untruthful disingenuous liar that you are. Asking for the truth only so you can run scared when you hear it. What the point in asking for the truth ladies, when it makes things worse?
After this happens, I can guarantee you that you will never hear another truthful word come out of the mouth of your soon to be ex. Ex because like the goofy muthafucka that you are, you will use this to eventually drive a wedge between you and him because you can’t actually get your mind around the concepts that you are not the only muthafucka on earth and life did not start when you gave the nigga yo phone number. Everything that doesn’t happen doesn’t just magically disappear, yet you expect ultimate forgiveness for making the mistake of having that gang bang with some of his friends a few years back. You know the one…
Classic example:
chick: how many people have you had sex with?
dude: uhhhhh…
chick: you can tell me, I won’t get mad (a lie with a smile on her face)
dude: uhhhhh…
chick: (in a reassuring tone), Baby, you know we can tell me anything, I wont start trippin’.
dude: well, I’m reluctant to tell you because although your tone is reassuring, the truth never seems to be what women want in this situation.
chick: I’m not like these other females and I’m going show you by getting upset and accusing you of having something to hide if you don’t tell me what I say I want to hear. I also must inform you that if you don’t tell me, things will deteriorate between us, and until it completely dissolves it will be very unpleasant.
dude: well, since you put me in an unwinnable, uncomfortable position, I will tell you how many and prepare for the aftermath, which I hope will be will be the cleansing experience that you have led it on to be, but I know will be a self inflicted ass whooping. The number is…
chick: Oh, I see. (death knell pause) See that wasn’t so bad, now was it? (fake smile as cloud of doom forms in mind.)
dude: You know, not really? =D especially since I’m silly enough to believe that because I’ve told the truth, everything will be fine just like you said it.
dude and chick smile and embrace, one thinking life is gonna be great, one vowing to make the other pay for their honesty.
The crux of this story? experience tells men that the best way to play it is to lie, because chicks only punish you for the truth, whether its good or bad, because when you do it, its unforgivable, but when they do it, its justified, kinda like fartin…